Swedish Chef and lobster banditos!
In other news: being home in Stonington = lobster cookouts. Yup, sailing, beers, pig roasts, and lobster cookouts… why am I moving 3,000 miles away?!
I like the wallpaper in their powder room: pretty and VERY unusual. You walk in admiring the design then you notice the “urban” scene.
Wow, this wallpaper rocks my world. Is that guy getting mugged?
Lydia's are just trouble
My mother’s friend Heli (she’s Swedish), also named her daughter Lydia. In a recent e-mail to my mother, Heli wrote of her 3-year old daughter:
What is it about these Lydia’s? My Lydia is so demanding. When she does not get what she wants, she sticks out her tongue… then she gives this most adorable smile, says: “I want it, mom” and gives “that is the end of the story”- look. Ufff.
When I was three, my mother asked me to pick out Christmas presents from a catalog. I circled three items. “That’s all you want?” My mother asked. “No, I don’t want those three things. I want everything else.” My mother cites that story as the day she realized I was trouble. I guess the moral of this story is: DON’T NAME YOUR DAUGHTER LYDIA!
The Westwood apartment I'm living in:
I’m just copying and pasting the original post that drew me to the apt…
The neighborhood:
Very safe and quiet neighborhood and street in Westwood; a twenty minute walk to UCLA. Super easy and convenient parking.
The place:
—Top floor - high ceilings
—2400 square feet - bigger than most West LA homes
—Dark hardwood floors throughout (tile in kitchen and baths)
—Huge common living room with DirecTV and premium channels
—Spacious kitchen and dining room
—Huge furnished common balcony with beautiful tree view
—Washer/Dryer in the unit; new fixtures throughout
The room:
—An open and airy 12ft x 22ft — it’s big with high ceilings
—5ft x 10ft walk-in closet
—Fully updated private bathroom with lots of storage and a skylight that bathes the room in great light
—Windows with views of trees, the street, and the Wilshire Corridor
—Private Balcony
—Crown moulding, ceiling fan, custom drapes
—Hardwood Floors
—If you choose, you can use any of the following in the room at NO EXTRA CHARGE: corner desk, a new queen size bed, flat screen TV, bookcase, end tables. All of these things can be removed if you have your own stuff.
The best part is the walk-in closet and gorgeous bathroom that I have all to myself… it even has new tiling and 2 shwer heads. Plus they bought a new dining room set instead of that ikea shit in the picture. I’m in love with the place.
Lost In Translation:
- Lydia Harris: [over the phone] Is this a bad time?
- Bob: [pauses] No, it's always a good time.
- Lydia Harris: The burgundy carpet is out of stock: it's going to take twelve weeks. Did you like any of the other colors?
- Bob: Whatever you like - I'm just completely lost.
- Lydia Harris: It's just carpet.
- Bob: That's not what I'm talking about.
- Lydia Harris: What are you talking about?
- Bob: I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier - I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating like Japanese food.
- Lydia Harris: [icily] Well, why don't you just stay there and you can have it every day?
- Bob: [biting his tongue] How are the kids doing?
- Lydia Harris: They're fine. They miss their father.
- [pause]
- Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob?
- Bob: Only if you want to.
Great-great Grandfather in his Spanish-American War garb.
And again, playing poker with army types:
It’s crazy that you still have the same nose, lips, expression… and recklessness with money!
Here’s a picture of Rob from his freshman year to prove my point:
-Bart Simpsons
I used to save and share chewed Zebra Fruit Stripe Gum back when pogs and slap bracelets were all the rage. Now I'm saving and sharing chewed over webdroppings / ruminations.
My writing is a tidbit ostentatious: a mix of sarcasm and naiveté from growing up in the bestest place ever: Stonington, CT. I demand constant entertainment... and will make outrageous statements for a laugh. But I think I'm a good person. In fact, I rarely torture small animals. I also rarely take things seriously, so just remember that if I write something horrible... it's a "joke"... even when it's not.
-Lydia Pierce F.
ChainChewingGum@gmail.com
